random_nessfandomcom-20200214-history
Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace
WELL HELLO THERE. I BET YOU'RE HUNGRY, A'INT YA? Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to startle you there. We haven't been getting a whole ton of customers lately and-- Hey, where are my manners? Howdy, my name is Biscuit Stevens, but you can just call me Cousin Biscuit. The famous RedneXpert on VH1's Best Week Ever. You can have whatever you want here. Now, welcome to Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™! Hmm, you look pretty fat if you don't mind my saying so. In fact, you're probably the hungriest customer we've had here. I suppose that means one of two things. Either you're a hungry son-of-a-witch, or you need some dogs to sell to the people. Either way, this place is perfect for you! Why don't you just take a step inside? History Let's see, I founded this place way back when. I was a worker at a Irish collie breeding plant near my trailer, and I thought "Ya know, those breeding hours have gotta make people hungry, and we'll eat all kinds a crap. BOOM. Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™. I opened my first Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™ in a small North Carolinan house that used to be a hotel for rednecks. I myself oversaw the operation and instituted such innovations as the neat and clean uniform (the brown shirts better hid the grease stains from our famous Redneck Fried Chicken™), the assembly-line method of food preparation, breeding of the dogs, and little paper North Carolinan flags and South Carolinan flags to identify trainees and managers. Locals were initially curious, but once they tried the fare, they quickly became addicted to the greasy food, dog breeding, and the dog prints printed on the wrappers of the burgers. In fact, the residents of the town we opened our first Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™ quickly began to refer to themselves as "Dogbreednmunchers" because they were almost constantly munching Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™ products and breeding dogs. By 1993, we folks at Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™ had over 54 restaurants in North Carolina, and our slogan at the time was "If you don't breed and then eat, we'll come and get you!" 1995 saw the first drive-thru Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™ (later purchased by Advance Auto Parts and turned into one of their stores), but the issues of horse droppings and motor oil spills quickly closed it down. The Dogs While we breed our dogs, their leftover droppings help us make our grease for our world famous Redneck Fried Chicken™, making the grease taste like a mixture of grease and fried chicken strips. Food Come back around front here and head through the main entrance now, and you'll see the eatery. You'll also see our delicious burgers, fried chicken, pizzas, nachos, and other foodstuffs, freshly cooked and ready to order. Of course, the meat of the burger is made up of the droppings and leftover meat from breeding and deep-fried based on the customer's preference. However, the fried chicken strips, when deep-fried and coated in a bit of grease, makes for a delectable after-foodstuff snack. And you know all those juices and stuff that come out of the droppings? We use those too! That juice, when mixed with a couple of our own special ingredients, makes for a delicious dog sauce, available at all the condiment stations. Just wait; it gets even better! As an dog breeder, you'll receive fifty percent off a full-grease-ified fried chicken meal! I know, I know, some women feel a certain... connection to their dogs. That's fine too; we get that here at Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™. If you so choose, you can allow your new dog to have our deep-fried, and dog-safe, dog food for only $19.99! Anti-Discrimination Here at Cousin Biscuit's Redneck Fried Chicken and Dog Breeding Palace™, we have a strict anti-discrimination policy. People of all races and faiths can come to breed dogs and give them to the public. Category:Restraunts Category:Restaurants